Rachelle

I’m giving away a book at my blog http://zyphe.blogspot.com. The publisher has agreed to send a copy of Coldwater Revival, a debut novel of Nancy Jo Jenkins to anyone who visits my blog and posts a comment. Yes, you heard me right. All you have to do to win is visit my blog at http://zyphe.blogspot.com and leave a comment by clicking (comments) below the blog post and whoala! you already have an entry! Easy huh? Now, go to my blog and win it for yourself!!! You still have a week to post your comments…

Prologue

Some miracles pour down on us like a mighty river. Some fall with the gentleness of raindrops.

To
hear my papa tell it, I was the tiniest miracle ever dropped from the
heavens. At least from the cloudy firmament hovering over Coldwater,
Texas.

Seems my bent toward stubbornness first evidenced itself
while I was ripening in the fountainhead of my beginnings, and it
persists until this day. Culling out the hottest day of 1915, I arrived
two-and-a-half months ahead of schedule, on a day so hot the Devil
himself must have been riding the wind. Anyway… that’s what Papa
claimed.

“Should’ve stayed put in your swimming pool,” he used to tease. “Been a heck of a lot cooler.”

But,
of course, I hadn’t. My willful foot had reared back and mulekicked
Mama in the stomach, commencing her birthing pains. Thus I was born,
smack in the middle of Mr. Oswalt Peavy’s dry, dusty cotton patch.

Chapter One

Coldwater, Texas
1933

Three
weeks before I was to marry Gavin O’Donnell, I set my feet upon the
beaten path leading to Two-Toe Creek. What I had to offer Gavin in
marriage–my whole heart, or just a part–depended on the decision I would make today.

As
my feet tracked the dusty pathway they stirred loose soil to the air.
My heart stirred as well, for the guilt I had buried in its depths
smoldered as though my brother had just died, and not five years
earlier. In the shadowed days following the tragedy, my disgrace had
glared like a packet of shiny new buttons. I’d not thought to hide it
at the time. In truth, I’d thought of little, other than how to
survive. But at some point during that time of sorrowful existence,
when my days and nights strung together like endless telegraph wires, I
dug a trench around my heart and buried my shame.

From that day
until this, I deeded myself the actor’s role, closing the curtain on my
stain of bitter memories, hiding my sorrow behind a veil of pretense.
But that old deceiver, Time, had neither softened my guilt nor put it
to rest; only allowed it ample pause to fester like deadly gangrene.
Now, as the day of my wedding drew near, my heart cried out for
healing. It was, you see, far wiser than my head. My heart understood
its need for restoration – before I exchanged wedding vows with Gavin.
For this reason, I now walked the trail to Two-Toe Creek. To revisit my
failures of yesteryear and reclaim the peace that had slipped past the
portals of my childhood. Perhaps then I could give Gavin the entirety
of my heart.

check out the new look of my blog…
http://zyphe.blogspot.com

What do people talk about? A group called Time Inc has produced a research study titled "Power of Celebrity", which asks what women talk about. They are aimed at marketing and helping advertisers so I don’t know how much this influenced their findings. But the results reported were suggestive. They say the study is going to be repeated in Britain and USA.

Here are some results about what women aged 18 to 44 talk about each week.

• 6% talk about politics
• 51% talk about food
• 67% talk about celebrities

The research divides women up into 5 distinct segments but it’s all based on how much they spend and how they spend it, so I won’t bother with the details.

The study also points out that the number of ads featuring celebrities had doubled in a decade to one in five. I’m not sure if that’s just in Australia.

Since reading about this I’ve been listening more closely to conversations going on around me. It does seem that people are connecting with each other via the vicarious experiences of people who are famous for being well known. How that affects what they read would be interesting to know.

(Blogthings.com)

As we all know, Australia’s own Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, was tragically killed on Monday morning (11am Australian time) whilst filming a documentary on tiger sharks on Queensland’s Great Barrier Reef. Not by a shark or a croc, as one might think he would go (maybe even Steve himself!), but through a tragic accident by one of nature’s most placid animals not even considered dangerous. A StingRay. Called that simply for it’s barb (tail). I myself was never a great fan of his, but I do know he did a lot for Australian tourism, conservation and wildlife etc.

So, here’s for Croc Man:

~ In Memory of our Mate ~

Crikey, have you heard the news
that hit the world today
About how an Aussie icon
became the one who got away.

–

Swimming off a Queensland reef
just doing what he loved
Being at one with nature when
struck by a Sting Ray’s barb.

–

A gentle soul who wrestled crocs
and lived life passionately,
Australia’s own ambassador
though unofficially.

–

He brought tourism to our shores
and helped make us aware
That quarantine matters to us all
and of wildlife everywhere.

–

A real fair dinkum Aussie bloke
what you saw was what you got,
An enthusiasm so infectious
that he never knew when to stop.

–

He came, he saw and conquered all
a man larger than life
Living each day as his last
till the moment that he died.

–

He was the Crocodile Hunter and
Steve Irwin was his name,
A heart of gold that touched the world
that we’ll never be the same -

–

Crikey, what a giant loss
such a tragic twist of fate,
And while the world now mourns his loss
Australia’s lost a mate.

I’m always suspicious of scientists who try to generalize from animal behavior to human behavior.  Animals lack the enormously complex social structures that condition our behaviors and cultural expressions.  Whether it is true, as Kant believed, that we are a step above animals because we can project ourselves into the future and envision the consequences of our actions, the fact remains that generalizing from insects to people is a rather far stretch.

Nevertheless, Dr. Helen Fisher does a remarkable job of it in her book "Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray."  Don’t be too aggressive in the initial stages of courtship, or you’ll end up like the male wolf spider - eaten by the female before copulation can occur.  Does your man bring you gifts of chocolate or take you on dinner dates?  Maybe he’s just instinctively following the same biological mandate as the black-tipped hang fly, which allows female flies to feast on his recent kills in exchange for sex.  Even the discovery of the role of pheromones in insects implies that smell may play a similar role in human attraction.  We can learn a lot from the animal kingdom.

Fisher’s premise is that human behavior in courtship and relationships has as much to do with nature than nurture.  There are powerful biological and evolutionary imperatives that channel our behavior.  While our culture will provide the form through which these predispositions are played out, there’s no pretending that we’re blank slates programmed by society into certain courtship roles.  Fisher endeavors to show how we’re driven by powerful forces that aren’t too dissimilar from those shown by our fellow members of the animal kingdom.

Case in point: body language.

Fisher tells us that "women from places as different as the jungles of Amazonia, the salons of Paris, and the highlands of New Guinea apparently flirt with the same sequence of expressions" (p. 20).  A woman’s smile starts off the encounter, with a quick look away as she drops her eyes and tilts her head down.  She may then hide her faces, giggling behind her hands.  Any man who’s the recipient of such a gaze knows what’s up.

Similarly, female possums toss coy gazes at their intendeds, cocking their heads and meeting the male possum’s eyes.  The hair toss (immortalized in the 2000 movie Charlie’s Angels) is kin to the tossed heads of albatross and the moving heads of the mud turtles.

Men have their own postures inherited from the past.  Fisher compares a man’s "chest thrust" (when he sticks out his chest) with the dominance-asserting messages of bristling cats and chest-pounding gorillas.

At a certain point the question becomes: is there any human behavior that doesn’t have a parallel in the animal kingdom? Regardless of whether Fisher’s book actually proves that humans draw on many of the same courtship and mating behaviors as animals, it makes for fascinating reading.

For example, the famous courtship process observed by David Givens and Timothy Perper in American bars and clubs is not limited to human beings.  Animals "flirt" as well.

You see, Givens and Perper spent countless hours in American cocktail lounges, pubs and clubs observing the courtship behavior of singles.   What they found was that they could break down the process from meeting for the first time to the bedroom into distinct stages.  Each stage was required before the next level of intimacy was attained.

Perper described the stages in this way: "From the Song of Songs until today, the sequence is the same: look, talk, touch, kiss, do the deed" (Psychology Today).

It makes sense.  You’re unlikely to jump in the sack with someone you’ve just talked with.  Each stage builds the familiarity and comfort necessary for greater intimacy.

Fisher takes the Givens and Perper data and describes it differently.  In her formulation, the stages of courtship are:

1. Attention-getting phase.

Men and women alike "establish a territory" (e.g., find a place to sit or stand) in the bar then commence looking at those around them while simultaneously showing themselves off to best advantage.

2. Recognition phase.

This is when you catch a prospective partner’s gaze, and both of you respond in a way that demonstrates your interest.  You may wink or smile at him, encouraging him to approach.

3. Talking phase.

Here is where the stakes get higher.  If you don’t like his pickup line, his voice, or his topic of conversation, he’ll be crossed off your list of suitors.  Similarly, it is in talking with you that he finds out about your personality and whether you’d be a suitable match for him.

4. Touching phase.

At this stage, the couple begins to decrease the physical distance between themselves.  They may lean forward or rest an arm close to the other person.  The most insignificant brush of the arm gauges the other person’s responsiveness to a sexual advance.  If the other person backs away or appears uncomfortable, then the courting may be over.

5. Body synchrony phase.

This is the most fascinating phase of courtship, because it’s also the one most invisible to us.  Leil Lowndes calls this "mirroring." It’s when you start to mimic the behavior of your partner.  He lifts his glass to drink; you lift yours.  He leans back in his seat; you lean back in your seat.  You cross your legs; he crosses his.  We do this unconsciously when we’re with someone we’re highly attracted to, as if to show that we’re "in tune" with the other person.

The next time you go to a bar or club, see if you can’t identify these stages in action.  Their accuracy might just surprise you.

At that point, it’s your call whether you believe that these stages are part of our animal nature (just as gorillas swagger, moles rub noses, and stickleback fish zigzag in rhythm) or part of our human culture.

1. Know Thyself
First, know who you are and what you want.

2. Be ready and willing to do what’s needed to create the relationship you want; go for results. Avoid getting caught up in who is right.

3. Relationships thrive when both parties feel free to create the life they want; be willing to end codependancy.

4. The quality of our relationships are a reflection of the quality of our agreements; know your standards, boundaries and agreements - both for yourself and for the relationship.  And create solid agreements as the foundation.

5. Orient the relationship by honoring personal and professional goals that are important to both parties and nurture the common goals of the relationship.

6. Communication sustains realtionships; communicate everything that honors its growth; make a conscious choice to be consistent and keep your word.

7. Clarify the purpose of the relationship and take actions that honor it; relationships create the dynamic tension that helps us become more than we would be on our own.

8. Place attention on everything that enhances the quality of the relationship and creates a better life; doing so creates abundance.

9. Deepen your ability to live from a place of trust and the impassioned living that comes from serving others; Renew what fuels the relationship.   Being loving and serving others will bring you more happiness than being loved and served, as the latter creates dependency.

10. Create a life that is totally managed so the focus is no longer on your needs, but on empowering others–your parnter–to meet their needs.

Change is something you go through all the time, though you may not realise it. You cannot actually see change happening, you just see the results of change. Sometimes change is easy, other times it is a long and torturous process.

How difficult change is depends a lot on your attitude towards it and your resistance to it. Your attitude to change can itself change, and make the whole transformation process much easier to bear. It all depends on your perspective.

Imagine change as a pair of shoes, this will help you understand change and how it works. Let me explain.

I am sure that you have at sometime in your life had a comfortable pair of shoes. You know the sort I mean. A pair of shoes so comfortable that you really don’t want to ever get rid of them and you wish you had bought a dozen pairs at the same time. They fit your feet so perfectly you can almost forget you are even wearing shoes.

You know you need a new pair, and may even have them, but you don’t want to wear them because you are comfortable with your current pair. Besides, the new pair may hurt your feet, give you blisters or be awkward to wear to start with. So, you resist the new shoes. However, a part of you knows that this new pair would be much better for your feet, and after the initial discomfort would probably be even more comfortable, yet still you resist.

Do you know I’m doing this now? I’m wearing my comfortable shoes and they feel good. They have a hole in each heel, and the sole is starting to fall off, but I’m persisting in wearing them. I even have a new pair of shoes under my desk as I write this. But my feet are used to the old comfy pair. The new pair is tighter, and hotter in this summer weather. I know I shouldn’t wear my old shoes because they cause a callus where the inside of the shoe has worn thin, but still I persist.

This is a metaphor for change in your life.  You get stuck in a rut (which is, incidentally, just a grave with the ends kicked out), and get comfortable with what you have and where you are.  You stick with these old patterns because they are comfortable and familiar.  You know where you are with them and almost everyone has a fear of the unknown.

I’ve done this many a time.  I stay in a position of comfort rather than making changes I know will benefit me because I am worried about the discomfort of changing.

However, once you take the leap of faith and make the change to your life, you will be more comfortable and will feel good.  Initially there will be some discomfort, but that’s because these patterns are unfamiliar and you are not used to them.  As soon as you become used to them, so they will become comfortable and you will wonder why you took so long to make the change.

And that’s it; you become comfortable with your new change and feel good with your new life … until you need another new pair of shoes!

(a Miss Universe 2006 Analysis)

PERCEPTION   
Contestants train and compete in beauty pageants for years before ever winning the crown.

REALITY 
Most titleholders never competed in the pageant system before being crowned. For example most recently, Denise Quiñones, Miss Universe 2001 and Marissa Whitley, Miss Teen USA 2001, had never competed in pageants before winning their state and then national crowns!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
PERCEPTION    
A beautiful woman can be created! Contestants competing in pageants are encouraged to undergo or have undergone cosmetic surgery.

REALITY  
The majority of our contestants have not surgically altered themselves. In fact, at the international level many countries, including Sweden, France and Israel, have banned plastic surgery from their events completely. We do not encourage or endorse any kind of unnecessary surgery. As a matter of fact, there are no height, weight or measurement restrictions for any of our competitions. However, we must also respect our contestants’ individual rights to choose for themselves what makes them feel most confident and comfortable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
PERCEPTION   
Beauty Queens all want "world peace", and don’t have any understanding of current events and issues affecting the world.

REALITY   
The Miss Universe Organization has targeted three issues and aligned them with each of our titleholders to maximize fundraising and educational effects. For example, every MISS USA lends her support as an advocate for breast and ovarian cancer research. She works with organizations, such as American Cancer Society, The Carol M. Baldwin Breast Cancer Research Fun, the City of Hope, Gilda’s Club, the National Alliance of Breast Cancer Organizations, the National Breast Cancer Coalition, Ovarian Cancer Research Fund, Ovarian Cancer National Alliance, and the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation as a goodwill ambassador, educating women on early detection of these deadly diseases.

Each MISS UNIVERSE works to see the end of the global AIDS pandemic with organizations such as amFAR, The Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC) and the Global Health Council.

MISS TEEN USA works with organizations such as Do Something, Seeds of Peace, Sparrow Clubs and MADD (Mother’s Against Drunk Driving) to instigate change.

Recent examples include: Mpule Kwelagobe, MISS UNIVERSE 2000, created a not-for-profit foundation during her reign which funded and built a 400 bed pediatric AIDS hospital and orphanage in her native Botswana – one of the African nations hardest hit by the disease. After earning her law degree, Wendy Fitzwilliam, MISS UNIVERSE 1998, Created the Hibiscus Foundation for children stricken by HIV/AIDS in her native Trinidad/Tobago, where there is a hospital wing named after her and dedicated to her work. Michelle McLean, MISS UNIVERSE 1992, established a charitable trust with her prize money to aid the children of her homeland, Namibia, and has worked the Dr. Christiaan Barnard to develop an international heart transplant foundation. Wendy Dascomb, MISS USA 1969, developed a ground breaking therapeutic equestrian riding program and center for accident victims and the physically challenged. Lynnette Cole, MISS USA 2000, works as a bi-partisan lobbyist in Washington, D.C., for the Congressional Coalition for Adoption. Charlotte Lopez, MISS TEEN USA 1993, penned a book bringing national attention to the foster-care system.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
PERCEPTION   
Upon the conclusion of their reign, titleholders fade away.

REALITY   
Former titleholders continue to make great strides in their communities and the nation through their chosen professions or philanthropic work. Whether they choose careers in the medical, legal, business, civic, political, entertainment arenas, or choose motherhood our titleholders continue their legacy of empowerment and activism throughout their lives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
PERCEPTION   
Beauty pageants exploit women.

REALITY
These competitions provide the access, means and guidance to help contestants maximize their strengths and achieve their professional and personal goals. Our judging system awards points based equally on personal interview, style (evening gown) and fitness (swimsuit). Additionally, consideration is placed on self-confidence, poise, public speaking skills, knowledge of current events and personality

ARIES 
March 21 - April 20

Nothing seems to ruffle you more than a lack of discipline, disloyalty and decorum.
But Arians are also known to go into a rage very easily when challenged. Those of you who have
been on the receiving end of the Aries temper know that if not calmed down they can even get violent. But one thing is certain if the opponent remains calm and does not react to their outburst, Arians cool down very fast. They are also the first to apologize, which makes them easier to forgive

TAURUS
April 21 - May 20

you are generally quiet and have control over your emotions. It is difficult to predict what will upset you, so when you do lose your cool, people don’t know how to react. Your temper is like that of a raging bull, and anyone trying to pacify you will be the first one to get a verbal bashing. You generally get upset when you are cornered or when people accuse you of doing something wrong. You also hate being reminded about mistakes you’ve made in the past. You also have the potential to be terribly vindictive if rubbed the wrong way.

GEMINI
May 21 - June 21

You are recognised by your cheerful disposition and your jovial nature is not easily susceptible to anger. In fact, you are the best person to have around when there is an ugly scene at a party you can bring the warring factions together quite diplomatically. But when you lose your cool, you yell and scream and will not listen to reason. You must have the last word in a wordy duel. Your capacity to argue aggressively is matched only by your seductive charm.

CANCER
June 22 - July 21

Considering how charming, caring, and kind you are, you dislike unpleasant scenes, much less creating one yourself. You have great tolerance and rarely get provoked into losing your temper. If someone is unreasonable or trying to create trouble, you are more likely to walk away quietly. But that does not mean you do not have a temper. When angry, in your effort to control your emotions, you tremble, your hands get sweaty, and sometimes you fumble for words. Tears roll down your eyes easily and the pponent is touched by your innocence and will seek an apology immediately.

LEO
July 22 - August 21 

If anyone has total control over their emotions, it is you. But then, you can be described as stiff, cold and uncaring. You are known to lack spontaneity but you really don’t care about opinions. You don’t like to create scenes and will never accept invitations to a party where you suspect the presence of an unruly lot. But your very presence seems challenging to some and they take vicarious pleasure in your disquiet. When angry you can use very critical language. A dressingdown can humiliate your opponent, causing a strain between both of you forever

VIRGO
August 22 - September 21

Most of you are gentle and have full control over your emotions, but those of you given to temper tantrums can certainly get violent. When see thing with rage, you yell and shout and tend to break things lying close at hand. You can even harm yourself by banging your hands on a glass top table or wall. You should never get into any argument, for you are a sore loser. You feel that others are trying to persecute you and don’t quite respect your opinions. When hurt, you can also hold grudges forever.

LIBRA
September 22 - October 22

Did someone say that you are the charmers of the zodiac? Well, it’s true. Few have ever seen you ruffled or angry. You are very conscious of your image, and you believe that anger distorts your face and personality. You also think you are above things like anger. But wait before you get into self-congratulatory mood. Your family or those very close to you know u better. You have an unmatched temper amongst all the zodiac signs, and what makes it worse is your capacity to justify it.

SCORPIO
October 23 - November 21

Of course you don’t lose your cool. But your very demeanor (manner) projects haughtiness (arrogance, pride), pride and grand disdain (disregard) for lesser mortals(humans). Others are often found saying that anger sits on your nose, and you are raring to give your peace of mind to the first person who tries to act funny with you. You are selective in the choice of your friends, and have a low tolerance for the superfluous (extra) types. Your tongue-lashing (attack) is generally in a soft hissing tone, for when you scream your voice tends to get shrill and loud, and you do hate drawing attention to yourself! When upset, you are angrier with yourself for having shown weakness, for the last thing that Scorpio wants to show is being out of control.

SAGITTARIUS
November 22 - December 20

You are insensible and generally have complete no control over your emotions. You do get angry quickly and others marvel at your anger levels even when provoked. Actually, you get tonguetied when angry and you will remove your anger waiting for the other person to calm down. Then you will reason with your opponent and convince the other person in a very gentle manner that the whole thing was just his mistake . You’re also likely to totally sever ties with someone when you’re upset with them.

CAPRICORN
December 21 - January 19 

Few will believe that a hardcore practical and materialistic person like you is capable of sensitivity and genuine emotions. You project a hard exterior but are actually very sensitive, a trait you successfully hide from others. You can be seething with anger but will not betray your feelings. But then there are times that even you cannot control your temper. Under such circumstances you can shout and scream, more with frustration at the situation than with anger at any particular person. Your outbursts can shock others and can make them feel guilty too.

AQUARIUS
January 20 - February 18 

You are noble and kind and dislike losing control over your emotions. It is very rare for you to get angry. You are also the pacifier in situations that involve arguments. It is always your endeavour to be perfect and socially correct in your behaviour and attitude, but if misunderstood and slighted you can give in to an angry outburst. You will shout and scream and then walk out from the scene. You cannot easily forget the situation and will be bitter about it for a long time.

PISCES
February 19 - March 20 

The only thing that can be said about you dreamers is that you appear even more attractive when angry. You are very sensitive to others’ feelings, so you rarely hurt them. But when others tend to hurt you, then things take a nasty turn. You will yell and use harsh words, and feel inclined to shake everything and everyone up. Your creative imagery is at its best when angry, and you tend to get pretty dramatic. When upset, you refuse to listen to reason and wish to be left alone. But once you calm down, you repent your tantrums and seek forgiveness. So nobody can be upset with you for too long.