Rachelle

Here’s a quote that is a good self-esteem booster:

“If people are trying to pull you down, be proud of it! It only means you’re above them. And one sure thing why they’d hate you is because they want to be just like you.”

Makes a lot of sense ayt?

It’s funny. Sometimes all it takes is one relationship to make you realize why people are in relationships in the first place. Even
though someone calls it off, even though memories of conflicts leave a bitter taste, even though it takes months of crying and
grief before sunshine and spring flowers can feel like a cause for joy again … it IS worth it.

Why? Because for a short time the sun DOES shine brighter, hope and anticipation makes the weekends fly, and there is always someone else in the back of your mind. In my last relationship, I surprised myself by discovering how much I looked forward to surprising him with the little things, those things that I wished someone would do for me. In the process I discovered the exhilarating power of making someone’s life happier, more joyful, even better? for having shared it with me.

Why do so many people–once their relationship ends–revoke their feelings in anger, feeling embarrassed that they could have given their heart to someone who gave it back again?

Women constantly get angry at their partners for leaving them, yet desperately wanting them back. These women won’t
deal with their own feelings of abandonment, resentment, and fear of being alone. They want a band-aid, as if his return will solve their problems.

Better to accept that not fitting into someone’s life simply gives you the opportunity to fit into someone else’s. These women don’t think once to say, “I’m better than this. I deserve someone who really loves me enough to work through anything. Someone who’s willing to let me go isn’t the kind of man that I deserve.”

Yet simply discovering that you loved your partner, even after he left you, is a cause for celebration. You’ve discovered that your heart DOES stretch bigger. Finding the capacity to love in yourself is an exciting thing.

Better yet, once you’ve loved someone, you never stop loving them. Yes, the relationship ended. Yes, the other person didn’t want it to continue. But the feelings you had then will always flow, if not to him in person, then to the memory of him from the time you were together.

That’s healthy: no regrets, no anger, no need to lash out and hurt. Just recognition of the love that will always exist as a shadow between two souls who didn’t choose one another.

When my last relationship ended, I was lucky enough to have realized why that relationship wasn’t as healthy as I’d thought.
So few of us take the time to think about what would make our relationships healthier–not by finding a new person, but by finding better ways to relate to the person we have. It seems that the strongest relationships are those in which both partners expect challenges, disappointments, and difficulties, knowing that these are part and parcel of what it means to be with someone. They look forward to working through the challenges of life as a couple.

In real life, sadly, too many of us ignore problems hoping that they’ll go away, afraid to broach them with our partners because we know that our partners will respond with anger and hurt rather than understanding and patience.

Now, this is what I think all of us deserve in our relationships. If you are single right now, close your eyes for a moment and
envision your perfect partner. Then repeat after me.

“I deserve someone who will always hold my hand and never let it go, whether walking together or sitting side by side, whether at the grocery store or at the doctors, whether happy or sad.”

I deserve someone who makes his own good spirits a priority so that he can enjoy life … someone who will soak up my happiness when I am happy … someone who will let me make him laugh when he is down …someone who never lets a day go by without a genuine smile gracing his face.

I deserve someone who always seeks excellence in who he is and what he does … someone who is unafraid of growth and change despite the pain … someone who continues to stretch his own boundaries even as he stretches mine.

I deserve someone who knows that Life obeys Murphy’s Law but doesn’t mind … someone who is committed to solving problems rather than complaining about the unfairness of life … someone who doesn’t see conflict as a sign that our relationship should end but rather embraces it as an opportunity for us to grow closer.

I deserve someone who can see when I am hurting and turn towards me, not away from me … someone who will comfort me through my pain rather than see it as a weakness.

I deserve someone who will come to me with his pain and accept my comfort gladly.

I deserve someone who needs me as much as I need him and is unafraid to admit it … someone who allows himself be completely vulnerable because he trusts me with his heart.

I deserve someone who believes in me … someone who knows that “me” is my spirit, my mind, and my heart, those things that don’t age … I deserve someone who loves me simply for being me, not for what I look like today or for what I’ll look like tomorrow.

I deserve someone who is unafraid to love. I deserve someone who embraces his love for me … someone able to admit it to himself, to me, and to the world.”

Something to think about…

One thing I didn’t know before was that men love femininity. This doesn’t mean that they love “girly girls” (though some do). It means that they love women who remind them of the 101 differences that distinguish women from men.
Skirts. Breasts. Long hair. Painted toenails. Perfume. Curves.

Gender is the single most important factor in deciding upon a potential sex partner. Kate Bornstein states this in her
revolutionary book, “Gender Outlaw.” I had never actually thought about it before. What is the first thing I think about when I’m
looking for someone to date? Well, I’m looking for a man.

I was stunned at the simplicity of the concept.

Let me rephrase it.

Men love women because they’re women.

How simple could that be?

The funny thing is that many women don’t get it. I see them walking to SM or Ayala in their maong jeans and t-shirts, waddling in a wide gait, burping and farting with impunity. Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore can burp in public, so why can’t they?

I see women wearing caps and “sandos” tagging along on orgies and pretending to like it so that they can be “one of the guys.”

Is that sexy?

Let me say it again. Men love women because they’re women.

I know this from experience. I have lived and worked in a male-dominated field for most of my life. When I was a little girl, I was told that I couldn’t go out with the men to participate in the annual burning of the fields, because my long hair would catch fire. When I was a little girl, I complained that the boys got to take their shirts off and I couldn’t. My parents told me, “Go ahead,” and I basked in my bare-chested glory for an entire one hour until guests came and cast me such disapproving gazes that I sullenly slipped my shirt back on.

Being a girl meant that I got left behind while the boys got to do all the fun stuff.

As an adult, I chopped off my hair and disguised my female figure under baggy jeans, flannel jackets and leather shoes so that I could go out and work among men without being perceived as “weak.” If I was going to make it in my field, nothing could be perceived as weakness. Femininity was inherently “delicate.”

I’m not the only woman who has had to make a decision like this to become professionally successful. A lot of career women face the same challenge. If you’re going to become successful in business or law or any number of fields, you have to play by men’s rules. In the process you’ll find yourself giving in more and more often to your authoritative, dominant, logical, cut-to-the-chase masculine side.

So, if YOU are an independent career woman who can play high stakes with the big boys but can’t seem to find a date, let me ask you this. Do you emphasize what makes you different from men or what makes you the same?

Men love women because they’re women.

When my friend told me that one of the most important things that women can do to be more attractive to men is to wear a skirt, I laughed. I had worn jeans and slacks all my life. Skirts were impractical. They flared up with gusts of wind. They left my legs bare and cold. They were impossible to run in.

Wear a skirt? Me?

So I went out and bought some dresses. I went out and bought a few skirts. I even wore them a few times a week. Each time I did, my guy friends-all handsome, twenty-something young men-gave me compliments and admiring glances. “Men like to see some leg,” one explained, “and you have nice ones.”

I had nice legs? I never thought about them before. Hidden beneath a pants leg, you wouldn’t.

I still draw the line at wearing pink or acting helpless. But I think I can let my hair grow long and wear it loose. I can wear a
dress with heels and not feel out of place in a room full of men.

Transforming into a seduction genie hasn’t been easy. It has meant giving up some of my favorite parts of my identity to explore some aspects of my femininity that I have left dormant.

But at least I no longer offer to arm-wrestle men. That used to be one of my favorite flirting tactics.

Visit my website: http://www.rachelle.co.nr

I recently received an email from a yahoogroup that i subscribed from about the so-called 5 rules of happiness. They are:

Although these five rules are simple, they can be so difficult to practice. Take the first rule: to free your heart from hatred.

It can be so hard to release the angry feelings we have when someone we’ve cared about treats us badly or rejects us rudely. I know so many women who hang on to angry feelings about their ex-partners. Every time dates are discussed, the old stories are brought out: reasons not to trust men, the shortcomings all men have, and why being single is better than risking getting hurt again.

By being unable to forgive and let go, these women end up blaming or being suspicious of all men. In their hearts, they’ve judged the male race and found them guilty. Yet buried beneath that hatred is a part of them that wishes their judgment wasn’t true: a part of them that longs for harmony and intimacy.

Alison Armstrong from PAX Programs teaches a seminar called Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women. In the seminars, women are asked to make a vow. No more men-bashing. No more generalizing about all men on the basis of a few individuals. No more making sweeping assumptions about “all men.” No more treating men as the enemy.

A friend of mine who attended the PAX seminar told me that the vow is oddly liberating, yet challenging. She said that she never realized until that day how often she spoke negatively about men.

Think about it. How often have you said one of the following?

“Men don’t have a clue what we women do for them.”
“Women have to do everything for men; they’re incapable of taking care of themselves.”
“All men want is sex.”
“Guys are just looking for a good time; they don’t care about who they hurt in the process.”
“Men are so stupid sometimes.”
“Why can’t men be more like women?”

When you prepare your heart for happiness, the first step you need to take is to free your heart of all lingering negativity towards men.

Forgive your exes. No matter what they did to you, it is in the past. Don’t allow them to continue to damage your life by leaving you with a lingering suspicion or distrust of men. Realize that your exes were simply human; like all humans, men and women alike, they made mistakes. Forgive them and let it go.

Consider attending one of Alison Armstrong’s seminars. If you can’t attend, then at the very least make a promise to yourself: you will stop men-bashing. Even if a group of your female friends start talking about the 101 ways in which men fall short of perfection, make a vow to yourself that you won’t join in. Men aren’t perfect, but neither are women.

As you learn to enjoy the company of men, appreciating the ways in which they are different from women, not holding a grudge against any man, you’ll find that something incredible happens. Men will start seeking out your company. You’ll find strange men striking up conversations with you. Men can tell when they’re in the presence of a woman who loves and appreciates men. In fact, it’s one of the most attractive traits women can have.

And if it makes you happier, why not give it a try?